I think I am finally ready to take control. I will need some help, naturally, but I really want to hold myself accountable for what I do from now on.

I spent a  lot of today trying to be “mindful.” Trying to combat the feelings of duality–the feeling that it’s me against the world. As I’ve said in a private post before, I was beginning to lose faith in myself. I felt unintelligent, incapable. But you know, overall, I’m damn lucky. Perhaps I’m not always going to be the best in the room, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the person who is–or myself. Certainly it would be easier if my coworker didn’t feel the need to point out my mistakes, but in the end, I think he does purposefully and somehow he knows that’s what’s best for me. He’s just one of those people. I do trust him, though he’s annoying at times. But I suppose this is when I answer myself with the excellent quote I just read:

“Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.  Do the very best you can; & then put up your old umbrella & keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your neck.” – Dale Carnegie

I am doing the best I can, I will continue to do the best I can, and I believe that if I keep doing my best, my best will get better. If I were already perfect, I would never grow–and stagnation is death.


~ by madamespider on August 1, 2010.

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